Overwhelmed and Short Fused? You're Not a Bad Parent.
You asked them to pick up their toys. Three times. Maybe four. And then something in you just snapped.
Maybe it was the mess on the floor. Maybe it was the whining that started the second you walked through the door. Maybe it was the third time they called your name in the span of two minutes when you were already overstimulated and exhausted. And then, you raised your voice. You said something louder than you meant to. You lost control.
And the guilt that followed was immediate and suffocating.
“I feel like such a terrible mom. I don't know what's wrong with me. I feel so out of control.”
If any of that sounds familiar, I want you to stay with me for a minute. What just happened in that moment says a lot less about who you are than you think it does.
Your Emotions Are Not the Problem
Here's something I want you to truly hear. The frustration, the overwhelm, the feeling of being constantly stretched thin and on edge, those are not the problem. I’ve heard it so often: “I want to not feel so overwhelmed all the time. I don’t want to be angry.”
The problem with that statement is that you are not your feelings, and your feelings are not the problem. They are your nervous system trying to tell you something important. Throwing up the yellow flag so you’ll notice this moment.
Emotions are not character flaws. They are not proof that something is fundamentally broken inside you. They are signals, and like all signals, they deserve to be understood rather than punished. Seen and not judged. Felt and not pushed away.
I say this as a therapist and as a mother who has stood in the middle of a chaotic living room, toys everywhere, noise coming from every direction, and felt that exact same surge of rage when something small became the thing that overtook me. I know that feeling. And I also know that feeling doesn't make me a bad mother. It makes me a human one.
The Behavior Is Not You
Bear with me, because here's where we get to make change happen. The emotion, that overwhelming frustration and stress that’s been building all day, is valid. The behavior, the short fuse, raising your voice, saying something sharp, is something we can look at separately. Not to shame you for it or add it to a running list of everything you've done wrong. To get curious about it.
What was happening in your body before you snapped? How long had you been stretched thin before that moment? What did you actually need that you weren't getting? Does this behavior align with who you believe you are?
When we can separate the emotion from the behavior, something shifts. We can allow our emotions to exist, while challenging the behaviors we want to change. We stop asking “what’s wrong with me” and start asking “what can I do differently in those moments to help me.” That's not letting yourself off the hook. That's where real understanding and real change begin.
Therapy Can Help
If you saw yourself in this story, I want you to know that I see you. You’re doing the best you can, and you want change. I’m Haley, a licensed therapist and certified in Dialectical Behavior Therapy in McKinney, TX. I’m specialized in working with clients who experience this kind of overwhelm and want to make changes to how they show up. I take a nonjudgmental approach and will lead you in confronting the things you’re not proud of with self-compassion. Reach out via text, call or email to schedule a free 15-minute consultation.
